My throat contracts, I feel short of breath, my mouth goes dry and I want to crumple to the floor and cry. I get this sick feeling in my stomach and loose all appetite. He wont do it. Why? Don’t you want to make things right? Live a life of integrity and not hiding all of the time and lying?
I feel like I crushed my mother tonight. Telling her I think it would be best if I moved out next September. I feel like I live at a constant state of stress living in this house. It will be a new kind of stress living with people but maybe almost a relief in comparison.
I try and choose each morning when I get up to have a good day, smile, try and laugh and not carry this heavy burden as much. Some days I win and conquer what life is throwing at me. Other days I fail, have those panic attacks and cry. Some day I will be strong for all of this but right now it just sucks.
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